I realized looking back at photo-strips, I wore my hair straight often. However, all my student ID and passport pictures featured my naturally curly hair. I remember being annoyed when my curls would stick out, I believed in a bias that tidy, straight, sleek hair was professional, prettier.
To have clear skin was of utmost importance to me as a teenage girl. Now, I continue to inspect my face after showering, and apply Cetaphil moisturizer after. Once I apply my moisturizer, I no longer think about the clearness of my skin until the next time I shower, or I see an ad on Instagram about skincare.
Whiteheads, an oily nose, used to be something that made me feel insecure, this concerned me more than getting a pimple. Hormonal changes throughout adolescence influence skin’s appearance, I wish someone had told me that to some extent, my skincare was out of my hands. The stress coming from having flawless skin would have been better placed on developing a healthy diet.
I remember when I first began shaving, I would always manage to miss a spot. If I were sitting at school and noticed I had missed my knees (the only visible spot between my knee-length skirt and high socks), I would feel embarrassed. I doubt anybody noticed but me. Hairlessness in women only came about in the early 20th century. I now see shaving as a choice, not an expectation.
Part of ‘coming of age’ is growing to accept oneself. I was confident in myself academically and with my family, but part of my maturing with time was becoming comfortable and confident around others.
I never got the hang of makeup, but I tried my best. I regularly use blush, mascara, some lipstick. I still debate whether to wear my eyeglasses or not whenever I go out.
I never caught onto watching Youtube makeup artists, I got most of my makeup tips from my older sister. I never learned how to do eyeshadow, but eventually gained confidence with eyeliner. I began getting my eyebrows waxed when I was sixteen.
My high school experience consisted of attending lots of quinceañeras and formal dances. By the time I graduated I could easily last all night in high heels. I now rarely find myself in heels, I either wear my Reebok sneakers or Birkenstocks every day.
Coming out to society, going into the real world, these are portraits of me as I underwent rites of passage. The way my hair is done, the white versus the red gown, are stark differences in these two portraits. I also have braces in the graduation picture, it took a lot for me to smile with my teeth when I had braces.
I had not tried on my cotillion dress since my senior year of high school when I was asked to model it for the new class of debutantes as an example of a dress meeting all the cotillion committee’s guidelines. It no longer fits me; it is also very hard to move around in. I show it here as a weight no longer on my shoulder along with the gender norms that came with it.
The small green eyeglasses were my first pair of eyeglasses, I got those at my eye doctor’s office in the seventh grade. I rarely wore them, I felt insecure in them. Eventually, I had to wear them especially if my seat was far from the board in the classrooms. I bought my own pair of eyeglasses, the clear ones, as a junior in high school, since then, I wear glasses every day
The camera pictured here was my high school graduation present. My camera is a symbol of how my perspective has changed since high school. The perception I have of myself and my home changed as independence and college life provided me with a new lens to view my past through.